


When One is in a Writing Mood

by MiniDemons



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (Or just Oikawa because Oikawa is a beautiful brat), (actually no probably to it- there is death), Always been a fan of death so prolly gonna be some of that, Aromantic Oikawa will prolly show up a lot, Just gonna be lazy and put one shots in one thing, M/M, Sucker for fantasy themes, Will always be Iwaoi, and just gonna end the tags there, or Asexual Oikawa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 05:36:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8315869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniDemons/pseuds/MiniDemons
Summary: And is therefore useless with everything else :( Just gonna put all my one shots here instead of uploading them separately 
1. Can You Save-Hoarse words escape Tooru’s lips, mouth right at the edge of the Reaper’s ears. Bloody arms hold tighter and the smile is still there on Tooru’s lips. The Reaper trembles more than he ever had in the past, a silent sob escaping him. 
“-my heavy, dirty soul, Iwa-chan?”
2. Why Can't I Be Normal?With their third year of high school came teasing from Makki and Mattsun- apparently they were more lovey dovey than ever before. Tooru thought maybe he was doing something right this time- even though more often than not he forgot they were even dating even as his hand reached out to hold Hajime’s.





	1. Can You Save?

**Author's Note:**

> Because I wrote a few oneshots over the weekend (I don’t have internet 70% of the time) I figured instead of just posting them all individually I’d just do one big chaptered thing (but imma try out the different publication date). I’ve seen it around anyhow. Dunno how many will be done, prolly will keep adding as long as I’m still in my writing mood. May or may not add art depending on how lazy I am. (If I do add art it will prolly just be sketches). 
> 
> These aren't exactly proof read so there are mistakes and what not
> 
> (Funnily enough Monday my writing mood just kind of dropped- but I have 4 WIP (three of which are one shots) so Imma just keep to what I originally planned. May or may not get back in a writing mood within the next month but just in case~ (plus I've always done light writing anyhow so.... excuses to do fanfiction (cough excuses to do Oikawa and maybe Iwa-chan cough))
> 
> Chapter warnings- Death, Iwa-chan is a Grim Reaper, Oikawa is a Serial Killer. Self harm/mutilation, suicide attempts. I wouldn't say this is sad however I tried to keep the mood dark-ish so?

 

The first time they meet he’s 12 and starved. It’s winter with snow on the ground and he’s laying sprawled against some raggedy old building, murky eyes blinking slow as can be. His chest barely rises, skin sunken in and pale, hand this gangly mess that rested on his heart feeling the-

 

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

 

It was soothing, a smile would flirt at the edges of his lips but he could never bring himself to actually put the effort into moving them. Hunger ate at him like a beast, nibbling on his insides, demolishing his flesh in swift bites. it didn’t hurt though- not anymore at least with eyes hazy and barely the energy to move. It’s been like this for months, but this time-

 

This time his throat is starched, this time every breathe scrapes across his flesh like nails would scrape across concrete. This time he can’t find the will in himself to last one second longer (but oh- how he doesn’t want to die because death scares him.)

 

(Death scares him so much he’d rather do anything but die.)

 

They meet with Tooru slowly suffocating, with his eyes sliding close and the Reaper just stands there watching. The Reaper senses and knows all but yet he sits and waits- for the slightest change. For any change. His hand bone white with a harsh grip on some rickety scythe that looks to be too old to function. The blade dull but sharp enough to do it’s job if need be.

 

The Reaper always hopes the job won’t have to be done.

 

The first time Tooru thought the man looming over him was simply a hallucination. The shine of the blade though- that is what made him pull the extra effort to stand and find food. He forgets about it rather quickly.

 

The Reaper is just happy to have not had to steal a soul so young.

-

-

-

-

-

The second time- the second time is a mere 9 months later. Tooru found pills thrown out. He wasn’t sure what they were (he couldn’t read- no one taught him) but he figured they’d do the job.

 

He was ready, he figured he could face his fears and find some escape far, far away from the hell he was living. He downed the pills in quick succession, chugging water in between each one.

 

The next step was sleeping, but that didn’t go as planned with his stomach curling in on itself. He let loose the few remains with a gurgled scream and everything after that was hazy.

 

The Reaper sat and watched, and only after Tooru pass out did he mutter an “Idiot.” under his breathe.

 

(Tooru woke up in a hospital two days later.)

-

-

-

-

-

The third time was accidental. A mugging gone wrong that resulted in the knife in Tooru’s tiny little hands to dig into another mans stomach and yank up. It was a slow death for the man, the Reaper looming over him, grasp tighter than ever on the scythe.

 

Tooru had flung himself away from the man as soon as the knife dug into flesh, eyes wide and horrified and his voice strangled in the depths of his throat. The Reaper’s eyes closed shut, the scythe raised high and then it flashed down.

 

The man fell silent, eyes glassy with death and mouth open in one last silent, painful scream. Tooru huddled against the wall, shaking like a leaf with hands digging int his shoulder. The Reaper glanced over at the child (too frail, too young to have killed-), the scythe glinted and a sob escaped Tooru, fear drowning out everything and a desperate urge to just _flee_ eating away at him.

 

“It wasn’t his time yet.” The voice was deep, disappointed, saddened- the answers to the universe and then the Reaper vanished leaving Tooru alone.

 

It was night by the time Tooru was able to stand.

-

-

-

-

-

He stops sleeping, nightmares haunt him whenever his eyes slide close and make him gasp for breathe minutes later. 

 

His hands are always bloody, jagged fingernails digging and scratching and peeling away the skin that’s just so- so-

 

Dirty. Disgusting. _Filthy_.

 

Whenever he sees them he envisions the man he gutted. He sees the Reaper staring down at him with glinting green eyes. He watches in horror as that scythe slashes down- down- down-

-

-

-

-

-

The fourth meeting was the worst and also the start of a whole new beginning. Tooru sits there with his bloodied sister pulled close, kept away in some dirty alley way and he’s jabbering on and on about how everything is going to be _okay_. His sister is unnaturally silent (but she’s breathing- she’s breathing so it’s _okay_ if she doesn’t talk.)

 

He screams when he spots the Reaper watching them. He yells and tries to banish the Reaper. He tell the Reaper every nasty thing he ever thought, he tells the Reaper to _go die in a hole and leave onee-chan alone!_

 

The Reaper gives the most horrible smile, something so breakable and depressing and _pitying_. Tooru hates it- hates him and he’s crying because he remembers the last time he saw the Reaper (his dreams take a sudden turn, now the Scythe is slashing downwards right at his sister and he can’t- he can’t-)

 

The Reaper moves forward, movements jagged and unnatural before stopping right in front of the boy. He releases the Scythe (it clatters to the ground with a clash that will forever haunt Tooru) and touches Tooru’s head just as the young boy tries to pull away the Reaper drops to his knees and pulls the child (that’s been through so much- too much) into a hug.

 

“I’m sorry.” The words are thick and Tooru finds himself too surprised to do anything, watching with wide eyes as the Reaper pulls away from him, the Reaper cringes before picking up the scythe again.

 

This time Tooru doesn’t say anything, eyes wide with amazement.

 

This time Tooru doesn’t feel a single thing as that scythe swings downwards- as his sister’s breathing comes to a complete stop and leaves him alone.

-

-

-

-

-

The fifth time is on purpose. Tooru specifically starts looking out for people, one person in particular catches his eye and just as he’s about to coax her into the alley his sister flashes in her place. The next person that passes the alley is the one he coaxes instead.

 

It’s a dirty deed, fast in incapacitating him, chocking the man with a sock and pulling him even further in the darkness. The Reaper is there after the ninth slash, eyes cold and hard. Tooru was ecstatic, his voice singing his joy at the Reapers appearance.

 

“What’s your name?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Tell me your name.”

“You don’t have to do this-“

 

Another slash on the mans wrist, the blood flows freely and beautiful color if Tooru was being honest. He turns his bright smile to the man and clicks his tongue, “If only Reaper-chan told me his name. You wouldn’t have to go through this you know?”

 

“Iwaizumi.”

 

He claps his hand, spinning around with the widest grin in the world, “Awesome! Onto the next question then, Iwa-chan!” And it continued on and on until the Reaper pulled up the scythe and slashed down at the man, anger fuming from every single movement. A glare was pointed towards the cheerful Tooru before the Reaper vanished into nothing.

-

-

-

-

-

Tooru barely ate anymore, most food he does manage to swallow down end up being vomited hours later.

 

He tries to skin himself twice, knife shaking in his hands as he slides it across filthy skin. He never makes it very far though, the pain becomes too much- eyes always flashing about wondering if the Reaper was going to show up.

 

He starts wondering if burning himself would make the absolutely disgusting feeling go away.

 

(He doubts it.)

-

-

-

-

-

The sixth to the eleventh meeting go in similar manners with Tooru grilling or simply talking to the Reaper as he tortures his newest victim. The Reaper is getting faster and faster at slashing away their lives and leaving Tooru in the blinding numbness that is loneliness (and disgust, regret, hatred). So he figures he needs a new plan. And he remembers something from so long ago-

 

A warm hug that shouldn't have been warm, an apology. His next victim is 10 years old and the Reaper is absolutely horrified. That death is slow, Tooru bleeds the child out as the Reaper pleads for him to just _stop_. Tooru asks him why, tells him that this child is _merely a gift_. That the Reaper should be happy for receiving more souls.

 

_Why aren’t you happy?_

 

The Reaper almost drops the scythe as he raises it above his head. He cries out as he separates soul from body and Tooru feels a flash of satisfaction when the scythe clatters to the ground.

 

“You are _disgusting_.” Are the words ringing in his ears as the Reaper vanishes. The voice so cold and venomous.

 

(Tooru’s glad the Reaper finally sees the light.)

-

-

-

-

-

The thirteenth follows shortly after, not even a week has passed and Tooru is skinning himself. Skinning quickly evolves to slashing, a certain amount of anger behind every slash and he can’t bring himself to shred a single tear as he watches the blood puddle around him.

 

The Reaper sits there with the scythe in a death grip and Tooru can’t even look in his direction. Part of him begs to goad the Reaper into killing him, into making everything end but then fear strikes before the words even leave his mouth.

 

“Why are you doing this.” _To yourself. To me. To others_. Are the words left unsaid but Tooru can sense them as the world turns black.

 

(Why indeed.)

-

-

-

-

-

The fourteenth Tooru asks the Reaper why he didn’t kill him last time, as he splits the flesh of some teenage girl. The Reaper looks away, hands clenched and jaw twitching.

 

“You didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to kill another person.”

 

Tooru hums, spins the knife before thrusting it into the teenagers throat.

 

“Just think, you could have saved so many lives if you just had.”

 

The words were barely there, whispered so softly but Tooru heard them loud and clear-

 

“I know.” 

 

(And I hate myself for it, is unsaid.)

-

-

-

-

-

  The fifteenth is another accident. A gun, so cold and unfriendly, clasped between his shaking hands and he can barely breathe as the body falls before him. It’s the fastest death so far but the Reaper stays the longest this time, holding Tooru close as he falls apart on himself, the gun thrown as far away as possible and every breathe a rattling scream.

 

The Reaper touches him, hands soft and gentle and Tooru is so undeserving but clinging to the cloaked man none the less.

 

“It’s funny- you can torture people without blinking an eye but you shoot a man and you fall apart.”

 

It’s not funny- because Tooru prepares himself for every single one of his victims and this simply _wasn’t supposed to happen_. 

 

He always tears himself up after the kill, but never during when he knows the Reaper would be watching.

-

-

-

-

-

He stops killing for a while, lurking around the hospital just for a glimpse of the Reaper but he never sees the man.

 

His body seems frailer than it used to be, stomach unable to hold anything at all, and hands unable to stay _still_. He feels like a drug addict who can’t get their fix but instead of being addicted to drugs he thinks he’s addicted to the Reaper (to killing.)

-

-

-

-

-

The twentieth meeting is completely different from any other. The Reaper spots the victim and slays them in one shot, not even letting the normal torture go on.

 

But then he stays. And Tooru, whose shocked and uncomfortable with the new change clings to him. Everything changes from there as the Reaper clings back and a loud sob erupts from his chest.

-

-

-

-

-

His skin feels filthy but he doesn’t think he can ever change it no matter how many times he takes a knife to it.

 

He starts thinking it may be time to accept reality. To face the scythe, to lay down his life. To surrender- to-

 

To be free.

 

But then he remembers the blades glint, he remembers it slashing downward and ending- just ending everything.

 

The knife slides further up his forearm and he chokes down the sob that threatens to escape him. Maybe if he did it one more time- 

 

Maybe he wouldn’t be dirty anymore?

 

Maybe. (He can hope. He can dream.)

-

-

-

-

-

He tries to stop killing again and he misses the Reaper as if the man was an important part of him. He’s left clinging and shaking and unable to breathe because the pain- the pain that isn’t even there _hurts too damn much_.

 

He vows to kill only one more person, and see the Reaper one more time. Just one more time- just- just-

 

One more time.

 

(It’s always one more time with him.)

-

-

-

-

-

The last meeting Tooru is met with warm lips pressed against his. A sweet tender feeling that has him reeling. His hands are an impossibly bloody mess, skin dangling from muscle and he wants so badly to touch the other but- but-

 

He can’t dirty the Reaper. He can’t dirty the one who looks so pained every time he goes to collect a soul. He can’t _ruin_ such wonderfulness. So he can’t touch the man, not with his filthy hands no matter how much he just wants to touch the man before him.

 

A breathe is shared, his shaky and unable to believe and the other’s calm but yet, almost like a cry. The green eyes are close, not even focusing on Tooru and Tooru honestly just wants to see them flicker open again.

 

Another kiss, hands that wield the scythe start to cradle Tooru’s jaw, tilting his face just right. Gentle moving of lips, just a touch of desperation at them but nothing much and Tooru can’t help the smile that blooms on his face (the first real one in a long while.) 

 

“Why do you always do this to me.” He feels more than hears the words as they ghost upon his lips. Tooru’s mouth is left open, accepting, wanting anything and everything the Reaper has to give and he feels the Reaper tremble.

 

Temptation wins  out when those hands slowly fall from his jaw to his neck. The touch is feather light, no pressure and just innocent and Tooru can feel those hands with every breathe he gives. Tooru’s bloodied arms raise, going to fold across the back of the Reaper’s neck.

 

“Can you save-“

 

Hoarse words escape Tooru’s lips, mouth right at the edge of the Reaper’s ears. Bloody arms hold tighter and the smile is still there on Tooru’s lips. The Reaper trembles more than he ever had in the past, a silent sob escaping him. 

 

“-my heavy, dirty soul, Iwa-chan?”

 

The Reaper’s hand press harder against the delicate throat underneath them and he sets both of them free from the wretched game they played.


	2. Why Can't I Be Normal?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With their third year of high school came teasing from Makki and Mattsun- apparently they were more lovey dovey than ever before. Tooru thought maybe he was doing something right this time- even though more often than not he forgot they were even dating even as his hand reached out to hold Hajime’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying out the chapter publication date thing* (and found out it doesn't work like I thought it did, woops)
> 
> Aromantic/Asexual Oikawa, self discovery- funky ending that can be counted as happy? Vague story telling yay, I kinda jumped around a lot (but it's all in order time-wise)
> 
> I feel like I could have done this one better, was kind of iffy on it. Unlike 'I Could Fall In Love With You' does not really focus on love- Oikawa and Iwa-chan date in this one too. This could probably count as an alternate version of 'I Could Fall In Love With You' but with a bit of a different timeline? I dunno. Enjoy!  
> (The beginning is all awkward like)

Tooru enjoyed touching himself, it felt nice- mind numbing. It let him think and let his mind wonder without being chased by the monsters that usually haunted him. He didn’t do it often- usually when he’s stressed or unable to think, but he enjoyed it. It was a nice feeling and the result was always nice too- being able to think about what to do against Ushijima or Kageyama, about the essay he needs to write in his english class. So, yeah he enjoyed masturbating- which was normal.

 

Meeting Makki and Mattsun made him realize how _not normal_ his thinking was. The two shared information like it was going out of style and every now and then they’d get on the topics of _sexual fantasies_ that would just- Tooru would whine and complain about it and the two would laugh and tease him until Hajime told them to shut up.

 

In middle school when people started talking about the cute girls or some sexy idol, Tooru was too absorbed in volleyball (in _Kageyama_ who threatened his very existence) to take much notice of it. Hajime never talked about it so it was even easier to ignore. High school brought the mischievous duo that was Makki and Mattsun and they had absolutely no issues talking about that stuff and Tooru found himself forced to actually realize something.

 

He tried to watch porn once, sitting awkwardly over his laptop with ear buds in and just watching. It was… boring. Awkward. Not really enjoyable- not what he expected with how Makki raved about it. Every now and then he’d read a romance novel (not that _anyone_ was to know about it)- he always found himself skipping over the smut scenes. He loved the emotions though, the love- it all seemed…. very nice. It was a nice thought to live your entire life with one person (his one person would probably be Hajime, he couldn’t think of a life without the man.)

 

A few times he tried to picture _someone_ when he touched himself but kept drawing a blank- nothing. Nada. It was just this empty thing and he couldn’t even get himself hard. He never mentioned any of that to Makki or Mattsun though- not even towards Hajime. He kept it locked away because that _wasn’t normal_.

 

His mother started inquiring on when Tooru would bring a nice girl home. That she would have expected him to have found a girl (or boy she had chuckled when she added that) by now and Tooru laughed and said he was too focused on volleyball for that. (She had replied saying he won’t be able to do volleyball his entire life.)

 

He pushed himself too much one day, doing the jump serve he landed in a crumpled pile, back curled over and a desperate cry struggling to escape him. An hour later Hajime came to the gym to check up on him, a hospital visit later and Tooru was unable to practice for at least 3 weeks. His mother cocked an eyebrow, as if saying ‘I told you so.’ A week later he started dating a girl.

 

He found sex enjoyable too, like masturbating. Just with extra warmth and more unexpected-ness. It wasn’t exactly great- or amazing or eye opening it was just… nice. Okay. Fine. He wouldn’t go out of his way to look for it but wouldn’t mind having it. He saw no fireworks but he did enjoy being able to cuddle into a warmth next to him when he got cold. He figured that was normal too- after all Makki and Mattsun have never had sex so they just had their imaginations to go by.

 

They broke up a few months later- the girl told Tooru that he didn’t treat her any different. That he treated her just like he did when they started and Tooru was left scrambling for an explantation that she was unable to give him. (Her last words was that he didn’t seem to be attracted to her- that he rarely touched her or instigated anything.)

 

He never mentioned the why to the break up to anyone, simply shrugging and laughing and blaming volleyball. Hajime called him a shitty boyfriend and Makki and Mattsun simply shrugged, asking what can you do when your married to volleyball. That summer he googled for an answer, any kind of answer. What he found was something he couldn’t possibly be and he turned off the computer without another word. 

 

One day his mother sat him down and told him it would be okay if he liked boys. Tooru laughed and asked if it would be okay if he didn’t like anybody. (You’re just a late bloomer Tooru.- You just haven’t met the right person.)

 

The second year of high school went a lot smoother, Tooru knew exactly what he had to do- had an act to put on and everything. He dated every now and then, even had sex another two times but nothing came out of anything. He was told the same thing by every single girl he dated. So he tried to date a boy once and the same thing happened as with the girls.

 

Hajime was surprised about the boy- green eyes wide and mouth open. Tooru told him he was just testing the waters- everyone says you don’t know till you try after all. When they broke up Hajime asked Tooru if he found what he was looking for. (He didn’t but Tooru smiled anyways and said he did.)

 

He stopped dating half way through the year when his mother mentioned how fickle and temporary his relationships were. His mother wasn’t any happier with the lack of girlfriends though.

 

At the end of the year Hajime stood in front of him. Fidgeting a bit before telling Tooru he loved him. Tooru latched onto the other man like a lifeline. His mother was ecstatic, told them they were meant to be. (Told Tooru she thought this one would last, because it’s always been Hajime and Tooru.)

 

Tooru drowned, trying to do everything he was supposed to. Most came natural- the physical touches always have been in their friendships but the kisses and whatever else, that- that he had issues with. He forgot he was supposed to do it. He was surprised whenever Hajime did it. (Whenever Hajime whispered he loved Tooru, Tooru would die a little on the inside and spit the words back at him.)

 

With their third year of high school came teasing from Makki and Mattsun- apparently they were more _lovey dovey_ than ever before. Tooru thought maybe he was doing something right this time- even though more often than not he forgot they were even dating even as his hand reached out to hold Hajime’s.

 

Tooru starts writing small letters, first simple and innocent but slowly turning nastier by every letter. Honesty was ripping through them- self doubt, hatred, insecurities all bundled up in the letters that he threw in the bottom of his dresser. (A reoccurring theme was that Hajime didn’t actually love him, because how could he when Tooru was sure he _didn’t_ _actually love_ Hajime?)

 

Everything sours after the Karasuno victory- after Tooru _beat_ Kageyama. Really, Tooru should be floating on cloud nine- and he was. At first until the sick realization that _Kageyama_ knew he relied on Hajime. That when Tooru is put in a corner he always, _always_ goes to Hajime. (He starts thinking about how when his mother shoved him in that corner that he went straight to Hajime.)

 

Arguments start happening more frequently, at first just innocent unimportant ones but they quickly blow up to everything. (Hajime says that sometimes it feels like Tooru doesn’t give a crap about him and Tooru is left unable to speak as the door slams behind Hajime.)

 

Everybody notices, Makki and Mattsun bring it up a few times but when they are met with frigid cold of Tooru’s glare and Hajime walking away they stop mentioning it. Tooru works harder than ever and Hajime is there only half the time when Tooru needs him. (It’s not how it’s supposed to be. Not at all and Tooru finds it breaking him that the presence he always knew he needed is no longer there.)

 

Tooru finds himself sitting at the computer again, nibbling on his lip and pressing enter on the google search bar. He hopes to find an answer, hopes to find something that will answer everything and anything. Something that would answer the world’s problems and all he gets in the end are more questions. He doesn’t search too much into it, a fear strangling his heart at the mere thought- (Because can you be a late bloomer at 17? What if you never find the right person?)

 

(Can you enjoy sex but be asexual? Isn’t that just… a faulty person? Unnatural? Something wrong with them where they can’t even fit in the asexual spectrum?)

 

Karasuno wins next time and Tooru only keeps himself together because Hajime cries and _Tooru_ is the cry baby in their relationship. Hajime is the one who sticks together and is the anchor but if _Hajime_ is crying it leaves Tooru the job of protector. His hand slapping against his friend’s (boyfriend’s? Are they even considered that anymore?) back is the first physical contact they’ve had in a month and Tooru misses it so desperately he can feel it in his bones.

 

The third years don’t drop by the gym for a few weeks and Tooru is jittery as ever, Hajime is awkwardly cold- there but _cold_. Makki and Mattsun talk to them as if they were walking on egg shells. Tooru starts writing more letters, more of them turning out angry than ever before and he crumbles up more of them and throws them away. His mother asks if something is up with his relationship with Hajime, that she hadn’t seen him in a while. Tooru smiles at her and tells her that they are just upset about the loss (not that this had been going on for a long while- not that it was doomed to fail from the start.)

 

It’s graduation when they somewhat make up, when they somewhat mend the ties broken apart. It doesn’t start off nicely though- it starts off with Hajime sitting in Tooru’s room with letters sprawled all around him. It starts with yelling, from Tooru at first (because that was _private_ ) then Hajime (because _Tooru kept a secret_.) Tooru said he never kept a secret, there was no secret to keep. (That he was _normal._ )

 

(Hajime throws one letter at him and tells him that this was a secret. The paper falls down, the words _Am I capable of loving another?_ scrawled up at the top.)

 

It’s awkward first, an unofficial break up because Hajime _knows_ now. They never tell Tooru’s mother though, Tooru smiles and Hajime lies. It’s not what it used to be, Tooru never reaches out and Hajime never reacts. But it is more than it was- when they were in an awkward relationship built on lies and hopes. 

 

It’s when college starts that Hajime sends Tooru a link and tells him to look into it. Tells him it may help him since it didn’t seem like he did much research into Asexuality. (Tells him he is, in fact, _normal_.) Tooru never looks at that link, ignores Hajime sending him it at all and Hajime lets him. 

 

Tooru throws himself into volleyball, working for the scholarship he earned and ignoring everything else. Hajime was in another college- no longer there to look after him and he didn’t realize how terrible that was until he was sitting in an empty gym in blinding pain- too far away to crawl to grab his cell phone. It takes too long for another to find him, too long and Tooru can’t shed anymore tears. Surgery is required and the scholarship all but slips out of Tooru’s fingers.

 

He finally clicks that link. Reads, and reads, and reads some more. An obsession that eats away at him- something that tells him that _everything was okay_. He sends Hajime a simple message later, laying on his bed and thinking too much to be normal.

 

(Thanks)

 

Tooru drops out of college, unsure of the path he wants to go with now and unable to even think about what he wants now that he doesn’t even have _volleyball_. He floats for a year, keeping the bare minimum of contact with his ‘important’ people (Hajime. His mother. His sister.) before deciding to try to stand up again. Alcohol had become his friend more than he ever thought it would in that year of struggling to breathe. 

 

(Hajime finds a boyfriend, they still lie to his mother, and to Hajime’s mother, about their relationship. Hajime’s relationship falls apart because of it.)

 

Tooru goes to a community college, cheap and simple- something he would have never imagined himself doing before. Hajime still thinks he’s going to Tokyo University- though he does know that Tooru’s not doing volleyball anymore. 

 

It takes an extra three years for them to meet again. Awkwardly staring over drinks and passing on mundane conversational topics like, ‘how are you?’ and ‘the weather, right?’. Tooru tells his mother a few days later that he and Hajime aren’t dating. (Haven’t been dating for around 5 years, but she doesn’t hear that part.)

 

Hajime starts talking to him more frequently, more texts than before and Tooru finds himself thrilled in receiving them. Their friendship mends more, becoming more like how it was when they were children and Tooru couldn’t be happier even if it was long distance. 

 

They start meeting up every now and then- movie marathons are common and every now and then Hajime makes Tooru meet Makki and Mattsun (who are absolutely thrilled to see Tooru after so long.) It’s- fantastic. Tooru couldn’t believe how much he missed the other man (how much he wishes he never dated Hajime. How much he wishes his mother stopped telling him what a great pair he and Hajime made.)

 

(Do you have everything figured out now?)

(Yeah, I’ve had it figured out for a while now.)

(Do you want to try again?)

(You know the answer to that already.)

(True, see you in a few minutes. Train is almost there-

-oh and forgot to tell you, Takahiro and Issei are coming too.)

 


End file.
